On Monstrous Things...

Seven was eating dinner at the table tonight. Out of nowhere, she asked, "Mom, what says 'rawr'?"
I said, "I don't know... lots of things, I suppose. Like lions and tigers and dinosaurs and bears." She thought about this. I asked her, "Why? What do you think says 'rawr'?"

Her response: "Zucchini." 

On Santa's Activities...

Seven and I were watching "Santa caught on tape" videos on youtube. She's pretty excited about them. Some are better than others, but this specific one really sucked her in:

Santa Caught On Tape

She was glued to the computer screen, trying desperately to figure out what was going on.

In the video, Santa started putting gifts under the tree. Sev said, "Wow. That's serious." Then the camera went out of focus a little bit and you could vaguely see that you were looking at Santa's back. She cocked her head to the side and said, "What the hell is going on here??"

Ah, the mysteries of Santa.

On Dragons...

The kids in our neighborhood band together and play outside some days. They do lots of cool stuff together like having very detailed wedding reenactments, magic shows, etc. She lives for playing with her friends. No, seriously, she's borderline obsessive about it. But she's never afraid to come inside and tell me if something offended her. This was our conversation one day:

Seven: "Mom, I don't like Jack and Jackson anymore."
Me: "What?? Why?"
Seven: "Because they were being dragons and they chased me and scared me."
Me: "Oh... Okay."
Seven: "They fired me."
Me: "Fired you?"
Seven: "Yeah, they were playing dragons and they fired me. I don't like it when they fire me."

On Long Naps...

The other morning, as I do every morning, I got Seven's breakfast ready, plopped it on the table, and suited up to take the dogs outside to pee. Atticus was asleep in his crib. The dining room is just across the hall from the baby's room, so Sev is easily able to hear him.
As I got my shoes on and a leash on Pants, I told Sev, "Come downstairs and holler at me if Atticus wakes up, okay?"
"Okay, mom."

I took the boys out. Pants likes to take six years to find a spot to pee, so maybe five or six minutes passed. I came back upstairs. Seven was happily eating her cereal at the table as Atticus cried in his nursery.

"Sev! I thought I told you to come get me if you heard the baby! How long has he been crying?"

She thought about it for a second, shrugged her shoulders, and said, "I don't know. Two years?"

Thoughts About Ivan

This is Ivan.

Ivan is not a cat. Ivan is half dog, half gremlin, wrapped into a (GIANT) cat's body. The thing is the friendliest, creepiest, most whore-ish creature in the world.

Ivan also likes it rough. The harder you pet/pat/slap him, the harder he purrs and comes back for more. It's weird, I know.

We've had him since he was a kitten, and Sev has grown up with him. To most people, Ivan is a little too nice to the point of being obnoxiously invasive, but Seven has trained him to wrestle her. He will literally walk up to her and pick a fight. Generally speaking, they both love this. But since he is so used to Seven=wrestling, he doesn't know when to just be plain ol' sweet to her. So things like this result:

Ivan was cuddled up with me in bed yesterday morning. Seven jumped up in bed with us to snuggle. She bent to hug me, therefore close to Ivan, and Ivan bit her. He never bites in seriousness, always a "play bite," but still. So she started whining, and then the tears came. I had to explain to her that when she tackles the cat repeatedly, that's what he's used to, so he always thinks she's going to mess with him.

She understood.

Through tears and with a bit too much conviction in her voice, she furrowed her eyebrows and said quietly, "...I hate Ivan." and walked off.

On Being Intolerant...

While I was making breakfast this morning, Sev sat at the dining room table and started musing over life.

Seven: "Mom, when I cried one time, I just wanted everyone to leave me alone."
Me: "Oh?"
Seven: "Yeah, I cried because I was sick of your crap and I didn't want you to talk to me. I wanted to be left alone."
Me: "Oh. Okay."

On Animal Abuse...

This morning, Blue, our giant oaf of a dog, decided he was going to be extra-extra snuggly in bed. Sometimes he'll snuggle Seven right out of her spot in bed, so she gets a little frustrated. He decided that he was going to wedge himself between the both of us and dive headfirst into this crazy roll-cuddle-spoon situation. Sev was getting annoyed. She got off the bed and started shoving him. Of course, he didn't even notice, let alone move. I told Sev "leave him, honey. He's fine where he is. Just leave him." So then she started open-hand slapping his butt. Again, he didn't even notice. I asked her what the heck she was doing.

She goes, "You said to beat him."

Sigh.

????

Usually I give a little background information on each Sevism before the punch of her awesome one-liners so the readers can understand the humor a little better. Today, I have no context to put this in.

I'm laying in bed, sick, working on my laptop. Because I'm sick, Sev is forced to lay in bed and watch cartoons. Okay, so I'm working. Sev's watching cartoons. There was is no conversation to be had leading up to this.

Sev: Mom?
Me: Yep?
Sev: Can I take all my clothes off and eat like a rabbit?
Mom: ......? Uh... yes? I think?

On Relations with the Neighbors...

We live on the second floor. We have an 80-something year old tiny little lady that lives underneath us. She is not senile; she is incredibly active and always running around (to work!) and doing charity stuff, chatting up the neighbors, etc. She's feisty. Very feisty. And she likes to have her way. Her name is Miss Nina.

Various incidents have occurred with her, including (but not limited to):
- I had to tenderize some chicken breasts for dinner at 7pm. This pounding on the kitchen counter lasted for less than two minutes. It annoyed her enough to come outside and yell up at me, and then to go as far as to send her son outside to yell at Boyfriend. Repeat: it was 7pm.
- I have flowers planted on my balcony. She has literally harassed me for DAYS into sweeping off her porch due to "this mess of dead flowers." I went down there and there were literally three dead flower buds. I regretted bringing my broom. This has happened on more than one occasion.
- Blue will get going and start doing laps up and down the hallway. I try to quiet him immediately for her sake. A couple times this has happened while I was in the shower, so I couldn't get to him right away. Seeing as my showers last no longer than 10 minutes most nights, I figured this wouldn't be a problem. She has come out of her condo, hooting and hollering, shouting "KEEP IT DOWN UP THERE!!!"

Needless to say, the woman is a little touchy about noise.

(For the record: these condos are wonderfully insulated. I have a family with three kids and three dogs who live above me, and yes, I hear them every so often, but it has never been anything that I'd ever bat an eye at or would wake me at night... Ever.)

Tonight, Seven was out of her bath and started jumping up and down in the living room. She would jump up and fall to her hands and knees, making loud noises. She and I have had the "Miss Nina" chat before, so she knows better.
I told her to knock off the jumping and crashing around.

Sev's response:
"Why? Because I'm banging Miss Nina?"

On Natural Order...

In recent months, Sev has been introduced to the concept of death. This sounds morbid, but I guess there comes a time when every kid starts asking questions. This past spring, my grandmother passed away and Seven and I attended her funeral. This past week, a dear friend of mine passed away and although I didn't take Seven to her memorial service, I've had to explain a few times why mommy was crying.

I've also found this lesson useful in helping explain to her why safety is important. i.e.: crossing the street, watching for cars, wearing a life vest in the pool, and so on.

On the way home from the park yesterday, Sev started a little rant about safety precautions:
Sev: Mom, you always need to watch for cars and traffic when you cross the street.
Me: Indeed, you do.
Sev: Because if you don't and you get hit by a car, you'll get dead. And then you'll have to go to the doctor and your arm will be broken and then you'll go to sleep for a long, long, long, long time, and then the doctor will poke you with needles, and then you'll go to heaven.
Me: ....Um.... Well... That's kind of how it works.
Sev: You'll have a case of the dead-ness.